James Bond and the Black Man
by Acoustic Goat
Summary: When James bond gets a mission from the agency to track down the Black Man, he knows he must not fail. But he does not expect to be with Odysseus!
1. The black man

James bond was on a mission to kill the black man. He was srue that black man would be there very soon. He turned the cornar and amed the gun at the person. But it was not the black man! It was his brother joans blond that was evil!

"what are yu doing hear! Screamed james as he pointed gun. "i saw you die!"

"dont be silly" said joans. "you were in my trap all along! 

the lpace aroun james sudenly turned into Odysseus ship. odysus looked at him

"WHAT MUST I DO" said james. "am I going to have to sing?"

odysseus laughed evilly. "no you must have sex!"

james got scared. He was not sure if he even liked his brother. But now he must have sex in front of the captain. Could he do it? But he most because he was james bonds and he must kill the black man for the agency. He took off his pants and his shirt and his socks and his shoes. Joans took off got naked too. Then joans but his penis all over the place. James was very scared now. He had never done this before and not with his own brother! But deeped down he new it was the right thing to do. So he had sex with his brother back!

After they were done joans hugged his brother and said thank you. Then he said "the black man is always here! Its Odysseus!"

James turned around and now odyseus was also black and with a hat. He had a gun to. "you are a fool! And then he shot!

TO BE CONTINUED


	2. Joans Blond

Jamess cat refleckes kicked in at the last second and he backflipped past the bullet.

"NO" ascreamed the black man because he was angry.

James pulled out his own gun and shot the black man in the arm 4 times. Then odysess crew smacked him down. Jones kiked him in the face.

"you were silly for trying to think yu could defeat the black man with you." he laughed and kicked his face again. "you were being dumd and now you will pay for your stupid!"

before he could blow jameses face away he was beaten up oddyesues crew and shot joans in the belly. Joans screamed and died and fell down. The black man shot at james again but was to slowly. James punched the black mans gun and exploded.

NO" cryed the black man as he run away. He jumped over the boat and over the ocean and to somewhere else.

"drats" said james as he looked around and everyone dead people. How would he find the balck man now? then his brother got up

"james you have shot my and I am pained" joans said between breeths. "i will die soon"

james was distarbd because joans was his brother but his brother was mean and not nice but he was his brother. James didnt know what but then he did. He must help!

"what do you need?" his eyes were full of saddness

"merry me"

"james was superised, why would he really merry his brother?

"why would I reaally marry my brother?"

"because I know wehre the black man has gon"

"ok I will marry you but only because it is for the good of the agency and the people and stopping the black man and not for you because you are a bad man"

joans smiled. "good then I will get the cermany ready"


	3. the merrige

The wedding was big and james mom and dad was there and his exwife and his dog and his friends and even his coworkers. They had cake and chips and water and wine and food and it was all very good. The wedding was several hours until james mom said " I am tired" and everyone left.

"it was a wonderful day said joans who was still eating cake.

"i do not love you but I do this for the black man where abbots" said james meanly

"oh but I will not give away that information so easily" retarted joans playfuly

"SO YOU LIED TO ME?" james said with super angry. He felt betrayed and sad and angry.

"have sex with me and I will tell you where the black man is!"

"but we already had sex" said james

"yes but I want more. Unless you dont want to know about black man..." jaons trialed off.

"NO I MUST NO" scread james with extra loudness. He was despirit and must know. "find I will have sex with you and then I will find the black man"

joans stopped eating cake and took off his cloths. He had lots of hair and a big penis that was really hard and long. It was hard.

James slowly removed his cloths too and his penis was small. It was not hard like his brother. He wasnt happy.

"i want you to suck my dick! screamed joans happily and he put his penis in jameses face. James did not want to but he had so he open his mouth and sucked on the penis. Joans screamed and danced and was happy. Then he jizzed all over the cake.

"do it again!" said joans and james sucked his penis again. He jizzed in james throat and then made him eat the jizz cake which was covered in seamen. "how does cake taste?" he asked and then eat the cake himself. It was good.

Then james pulled a gun out and shot joans in his penis. "OW" said jaos and he fell done. "you have shot my penis and now I can never have sex again! you basturd!"

"tell me where the black amn is or I will shoot you until you tell me where the black man is or I will shoot you until you tell me where the black man is!" said james with extrem anger and furry. Play time was over.

"please dong!" screamed joans with fear and despare. "he has gone to the crackens lair! Please be careful because the cracken is a strong nemsis!"

"thank you said james and he hugged his brother and left on te ocean.


	4. into krackens lair

James move with stelth of night. The crakens lair was dark and was hard t see. "what could the black man want with cakens place?" windered bond poltically. Eh fingerd his big guns. Soon find out he thought.

Suddenly tackle him to the ground. He fought wondruly and beat his attacker off. It WAS ANGRY KRACEN ARM! Jamess panick bravely and his good stuff. POW POW POW he shoot his gun 3 times at the kracken tentacar. It died an fell in water with a thup.

"Great wonders! Cried james bond but then he dropped his gun asd was sad. He would have to be the black man with his bear fists. James cackled and walk fastly into the deep of crackers lair.

Deep down deep inside was black man but was oddysseus. He was communing with the great beast kraken. "please mr kracken I need your mighty powers if I ever will defeat that infoundral james bond!" he screamed at the menis.

"but what is in it for me" said the cracken in a bellowness voice. It chilled james heart with horrible ice. He knew kraken would haf to die to.

"mr krakcen I will make sure you are always welcome in Trojan wher my people lives. We have good foods and womens and wines. U can get all them you want any day if you grant me your powers to knock down jaems bond once and for ALL" he said.

"ok it is done and crackers give him all the powers he seek.

"MOST EXCELENT!" cried odysus with much happiness all overs him. "now to find that blasted bond!" he said madly

"I am here!"


	5. Zus

james rained down a furry of blows to the face of oddssey. He falled down. "UMF" he exhalted as he fall. Then he spring up with a hurricane kick into the face of james bond. He slammed into the wall at hundred of mile of hour.

"I believe my arm is broke!" said james as his arm broke as he hit the wall.

"NOW TO BREAK AL L OF YOU" Screamed oddyses. He shot a powerful lazer from his grip and it tear threw james with its light.

"AHHHHHH" screamed james as he fell and died

"I AM WINAR" said oddysesus with absolute victry.

James look around. It was zus!

"my child" said zus with super calmess james had never before seened. It was nice

"u are not my dad" says bond

"hohohoho" roared zus with a halthy laugf. "I am dad all alongs"

"then who is other dad" crid james in super extreme confission. How could zus be dad?

"that guy is just a poser. You see I am been your father for a while. Tahat guy is father of the black man and father joans blond! They are arefact brother!

"it all make since said with much think  
"now go son. You must win or all is lose"

And then james wake up


	6. everyone is evil

james rose and shot oddyssesu. Oddysesus flew backwards and bleed.

"how can this be? Kracken has given me all of this wonerful power. So easy it is beet?" he turn back into black man with his hat

"don't you see?" it is not how strong you are. I have much fathership now and it is more than you will ever have. He rase his gun in the black mans face

"this is not over bonds. Not for long shot" then bond shot his face off.

The kraken roared into action at this. With his might wings he flapped james down. James skated over and shot the kracken 13 times. It raord at this and fludng violently. James jumped on its back and stabed it over and over and over again until it was death. Then he sailed away.

"JOANS I COME FOR YOU" he said an assailed his brothers a serious of blows to his face.

Joans roard into action and assailed back. There fist were everywhere and nowhere at once. Then james hit him hard and knoked him over.

"why you do this brother? We are brothers remember brother?"

"YOU KNOW BROTHER OF MINE JOANS BLOND IF THAT IS YOUR REAL NAME" and piledrived his angry fists through joans and killed him with vengence of rage.

"it is done for all of world and the angency will be proud of me for all that has been won"

"but it is not over" says zus from heavens. "the black mans dad still stands"

And then james left on his last legs of adventure


	7. the end of dad

james bust down the door of his old house and marched inwith so much anger you would not beleve. "DOD YOUR DAYS ARE DONE" he ascreamed like police siren with so much anger. There was no answer. He smacked down the door to parents room. They were naked and having sex.

"oh son, please join us" said his dad with a happy smile.

"not this time" and eh rased his gun.

"why must you do this son?" screamed his mom. "he is but your afther!"

"no, zus is my dad now" and he shot the bullets at his dad. Quick as anger his dad jumped over the bullets and drove his fists into james gun and it blew james hand clean off. He paniced in so much pain

"YOU WILL BE PUNISHED SILLY BOY" his dad yelled as he karate chopped his leg and pushed him through the windo. James falled through on his face. Before he could punch back his dad was punching him hard in the face.

"what is this I dont even" said his mom as she washed. Then james punched dad through the wall and the other wall and outside agains. Then the dog jumped into fight but it was also bad so it bited james on the feet. His feet were dead. He shot the dog and cried a single tear before he round house kicked his dad in the stomick.

"OH" cried his dad as he fell to the ground. He was now the black man. "why must I cry son? I rase u and this is how you act!"

"YOU DIE NOW" excreamed james as he blow the fact off his dad with his big guns. Blood was everwhere and it was over.

"son you have done good for us all. I am proud of you. We will have cake for dinner."

And they had cake


End file.
